My husband asked me if I was happy here. And although I knew it would hurt him, I said I honestly couldn't say I was. A lot of my friends have also been asking if I was happy now, after a month of staying here. I still don't know what to say.
There are ups and downs. Being the brat that I am, the 'high maintenance' woman that I am, the headstrong and stubborn person that I am, I miss the many many conveniences of my old life in Manila. There are times that I am overwhelmed by all the housework that needs to be done, mostly by myself. The monotony and never-ending repetitions of the day-to-day chores drive me nuts.
So I think, what has made me happy here? I was happy when I finally found ox tail for kare-kare after a month of searching in different groceries and markets. I was happy when I had sisig, kahit na purefoods canned lang sya. I was happy when I had ice cold Lipton Iced Tea Honeymansi flavor which I found in the Filipino store. I was happy when Winnie and Dennis came to visit for a weekend. I was happy when I found a fish called Luderick, which is very similar to our tilapia. I was happy when I got my boots. I was happy when I started to drive on my own. I was happy when I learned how to make Pavlova. I was happy when I made a friend. I was happy when I got my Macbook. I was happy when I found a grout brush to clean the bathrooms and the kitchen tiles.
Aside from puro food yata ito, hindi ba mostly kababawan?
May be the question should be, what makes me happy? Para present tense, and continuing. Hmmmm.... I am happy when I see Diego set the table every night. I am happy when Maristella cleans the table and the placemats after dinner. I am happy when I see how confident Diego and Maristella are in school, with other children, with adults whether Pinoy or not. I am happy when Andie and I go to the mall, just the two of us, and she does not complain nor throw a tantrum. I am happy when Ronald does the dishes after dinner on weekdays, and all the time on weekends. I am happy when all 3 kids give me a massage at night when I complain that I'm tired. I am happy when I see the kids are happy and are enjoying themselves.
Puro family naman ito 'no?
So I guess that's the point. The reason why I decided to do this, to go here, is really for our family. I'm hoping that when I look back to our stay in Canberra, I will realize that it was a happy time for our family. That despite my many many complaints, I was happy here.
I hope.
Well done =). You have the chance to experience life on both sides of the fence. It would be almost strange if you didn't feel this way (ambivalent). Months from now, your blog will be a wonderful testament to your stay there - whether there were days when you've just about had it with chores & the monotony, or days when discovering happy revelations on this journey has been amazing. Good on you =).
ReplyDeleteI totally feel for you Ate --- you've hit it to a T! Thanks for expressing what I've been feeling all these years. Isn't it amazing that probably, myself, Vins, and Lau, feel the same way... well, I can speak for myself for sure!
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